secret language

My mom has created a new language of approval during the wedding planning, I think it is really cute.  She really wants the wedding to be my taste but I want her there for all the decisions.  So what she does is when she doesn't like something she stays quiet.  If she likes something she speaks up.  After the first month of planning this "silent treatment" started speaking louder than when she spoke up on what she likes.  If we looked at something and she didn't like something, I would look over her and I could tell she wanted to say something but held it back.  This language made me think pass. 

I believe that if I was ever really in love with something and my mom said nothing I probably would have chosen it anyway but that never happened.  Everything I really liked my mom would see through my eyes and be just as enthusiastic about.  It's also nice sometimes to know what she's thinking without her saying anything because then I don't fell bad if I like something she hates.  Plus the vendor has no idea what's going on in those situations it's like our little code.  It meant lets get out of this venue quickly.

My sister and I of course make fun of her a little about this because she says she is so good and keeping her opinion to herself so as not to sway me.  But we all know what her every action means and she is never really silent as a result.

Do you have anyone involved in your planning that doesn't state their opinion but you know what they're thinking?

OMG I'm getting married

So just got back to work from my first meeting with my day of coordinator at Tribeca Rooftop and I'm in love with everything that is Tribeca Rooftop.  I feel this way everytime I go there.  I love the location the look but most of all how with it they are.  Oleg is our day of guy and he is awesome!!  He knew every question before I asked it, and never needed extra time to answer a question.  He just is totally on top of everything and this make me sigh a huge sigh of relief.  I feel like I have nothing to worry about and that is a huge relief.  I can totally envision everything and that's amazing feeling. 

We worked on the full schedule of the event today and not it feels really real.  OMG I'm getting married and that is all for now.

BTW I have a lot of updating to do so stay tuned.

Bridal party

When choosing my bridal party I really did not have many problems.  I didn't want a large wedding party, with people just as place holders.  I knew my sister was going to be my Maid of Honor and I felt that Mr True's Sister in Law should also be in it.  When it came to my friends there was only one person I felt had to be a part of this big day and that was my best friend.  The only issue was that my best friend is a man named Adam.  Adam is great, he keeps me entertained and laughing and he will always be by my side.  Though he will not be able to help if my dress tears on my wedding day or other girly activities he is the first person to be there for me and there is no one else I would want to be part of my day.  Mr True loves Adam too, I think because anytime I have a melt down I can talk to Adam and not bother him.  They have created a nice comradery which makes me really happy.

When I asked Adam to be in my wedding party he didn't hesitate to say yes.  He only wanted to know if he had to wear a dress.  When I said no, he was all signed on.  Then he wanted to know when the bachlorette party was because we are going to Vegas and he was in.  Anyway the only hitch was figuring out what to call him in the wedding party.  My sister was not willing to share the "of honor" title with him, she felt she deserved the title all alone and I agreed so cross off "Man of Honor".  Then we were thinking what is matching man's title to Maid.  The only one we could think of is Butler.  So that is how Adam became known as the Brides Butler.  I really like the title, not sure what jobs he is suppose to do but he makes the perfect Brides Butler and makes me laugh.  His big job is walking my grandma down the aisle which she is happy about.

Does anyone else have a man in their bridal party?  What are you calling him?

Location, Location, Location part 3

When I left off I was still searching looking for the perfect location. I started calling the top hotels around New York but soon realized that the hotel setting was not what I was looking for. I had a friend getting married at the Brooklyn botanical gardens and it looked beautiful in picture so I figured I needed to go there.

A picture inside the botanical gardens

My mom and I trekked out to Brooklyn and met with the coordinator there what a disappointment. Though the location was gorgeous the coordinator had no interest in selling the place to us. He pulled out photo albums of the location said look through these you can have your wedding ceremony any where you want here and the food looks like the pictures... My mom and I asked if we could have a tour? He said you can look around on your own. Then he walked off. He came back 15 minutes later and asked if we were ready to book...huh?? had he never heard about customer service? Cross this location off please.

We had a similar experience at the Bowery Hotel which I thought was different from regular hotels and very hip. Then when we met the sales person she was so unhelpful. She had no photos and did not answer questions. My parents and I nixed it.

a wedding on the balcony at Bowery Hotel

When we were walking out of the Bowery Hotel all I could think about was Tribeca Rooftop. It had everything I wanted and I was comparing every other location to it. I asked my dad if he would mind running over there because he was the only one who hadn't seen it so far. He said sure. We called over and Donna said come right by. I got there and when we walked in my heart sung. My dad said "I can see why you like it here." There is a rooftop to be married on. The inside has this chic downtown loft feel and everyone I have talked to who has been to event there says everything is amazing. My dad said lets talk about price and at that point I knew it was going to happen. I called Mr True and he was totally on board it turned out this was always his favorite too he just didn't want to pressure me.

It turns out everyone wanted me to be happy and my feeling of my parents pressuring me at the Mandarin was just because they thought that was the location that I wanted. When it was clear that Tribeca rooftop was my choice, they were going to make it happen. Everything worked out and I am so happy I chose this locale. I was there a couple of weeks ago and I couldn't stop smiling because everything is just what I want there. Here are some pics of it:

My Big advice to brides to be is that you need to stay true to yourself. When something doesn't feel right speak up. It is yours and your grooms day and ultimately your parents want you to be happy and they won't know what makes you happy unless you tell them.

Location, Location, Location part 2

So as I left it, my parents had said it was time to start looking at higher end locations and so we know everything that is out there.

My heart skipped a beat at the thought of the Mandarin Oriental. I had never been in the hotel but there were sweeping views of central park and it is known for it's modern minimalist look. I called and they told me that they were willing to negotiate the price...if they were telling me on the phone that they were willing to negotiate they must be desperate...I should say that when I was looking at venue last year there market was dying and the top end NYC locations were very much in the lets make a deal mentality. Anyway I called my mom and told her what the price was and that it was still negotiable and could we look? I think she heard that song in my voice that said this is my dream location. She immediately said lets go, and called my dad and he said he would meet us. Mr. True did not join us but he said that he thought the location was really cool. I felt like once I saw this it was going to be done.

Here is a picture of the Mandarin Ballroom

This place just screamed NYC and you could look out the huge window and know you were right in the center of it. So we get there and I can barely breath with my excitement. My mom and dad are also excited when we go to the entry floor to the hotel everything is gorgeous. The views can't be beat and everything from the check in desk to the bar are perfect, I'm in love. Then the event coordinator meets us and walks us up the winding steps to the ballroom and my heart doesn't jump, it just does nothing. The ballroom is just not right and everything about it just doesn't seem right. The way they want to set up the ceremony at an angle with a movable wall just was not right. The cocktail hour location in the entry hall I hate. And the carpet, you can see it a little in the picture, it is awful. Now this location is known for over the top so the event coordinator says "don't worry other people have replaced the carpet for their event." I didn't know how to respond to that. People actually replace carpeting for an event...doesn't that tell them something?? I feel like maybe I built this place up too much, it has the amazing views and it is gorgeous and I know their staff will do everything perfectly. My parents appeared to be in love. This could be a problem. There was no roof and my head I love the idea of outdoors. I kept going back in my head to the Tribeca rooftop where I could design the space because it is so empty. I thought about the room glowing how I wanted it to with candles, I could not imagine this at the Mandarin.

Image of Tribeca Rooftop

We left and went downstairs and my dad keeps going on and on about how amazing this place is. He was right the Mandarine is amazing and I was suddenly very perplexed. They both told me we have to cut down our lists and maybe we won't spend as much on the flowers. Huh?? I am not over the moon and I have to sacrifice for this place. I am kind of in shock my dream location is not what I thought and now I might be stuck because it appeared to be my parent's dream.

I left my parents to run for groceries to cook my brother a birthday meal, I was already running late. Got the groceries in a total daze thinking about what my wedding vision really was and if the Mandarin worked. I wanted my parents to be happy they loved the Mandarin, I wanted to be happy but I didn't love it and I thought I knew that Mr. True would be happy at the Mandarin. I got home just in time for my guests to arrive. One of my guests says he tried to call me and why didn't I pick up? I then started to look for my phone and it was no where to be found. I called it and no ring. I realize I have lost my phone.

This is where the panic attack starts setting in. Oh my god I don't have my phone and my dream wedding is not going to happen. I am being forced into a location I don't like and it is all my fault because I thought it was my dream....cut to total breakdown. Thoughts no longer make sense, just I am totally overwhelmed. Turns out that by my parents not setting a budget I was trying to squeeze everything into this number that I didn't know and it caused more stress. By Mr. True not speaking up I got more stressed. And by my parents who were paying loving a location I felt overwhelmed. It just all felt too stressful. I didn't want to cut my list and I didn't want to cut my flowers before I even had them. It was too much and I was hyperventilating.

This was not good, Mr. True calmed me down and my sister and other guest jumped into action and tracked down my phone. Turns out I left it on the cheese counter at Whole Foods, one less concern.

I really just needed a good night sleep I thought. When everyone left after dinner, I thought I would just sleep and be ok. Well it turns out when you're this stressed sleep does not happen. I tossed and turned all night and then called my mom first thing. It turns out she couldn't sleep either. She didn't love the location as much as I thought she just thought that I loved it. She had the same dislikes as me and she could not sleep too. We decided it was just not right and to keep looking. Then I talked to Mr. True and he still wanted to see it. I was so afraid it I brought him there he would love it and that would be it but it turned out he didn't. We went there and he hated it...what a total relief. Back to searching with Tribeca Rooftop still on my brain...

To be cont.

Ring Holder

When I first got engaged I came upon a post that mentioned a ring orb (the image above). Once I saw it I thought I have to have this. Then I thought oh my I need to have this in my wedding...a feeling I have constantly by the way. I decided I must have it and called the company and found out the one I loved in blue was sold out and all the bronze based ones were gone too. This didn't stop me though, I still bought it in purple because I loved the idea of it. I got one that says "to have" on one side and the other "to hold" I currently use it every night to hold my ring but I no longer want it in my wedding maybe because it is the purple.

After I decided this was not the right piece for my wedding I started to think what do I want to hold the rings on the wedding day? Then in ceramics class one night it hit me, I can make my own little holder. I talked to my teacher and she said it shouldn't be a problem so with that encouragement I went to work. It was actually rather easy on the wheel. Then I had to wait and wait for the kiln. Then I took my time putting our names on and other markings and then the kiln again and then voila I had the below. What do you think? Now that I have it done and love it I am still not sure if it is the right thing for the wedding day but I will definitely use it everyday to hold my ring. Mr. True can have the old ring orb for his after the wedding.

What do you think, should I use it in the wedding?

Do you ever...

Do you ever feel like you have waited long enough and you want to get married right now? Well that is how I feel. I have basically everything done and I want to just do it already. I guess 14 month engagement is just a little too long. The only thing is my dress isn't in yet and of course I still want to lose more weight (I always want to lose more weight will write about that next) but with all this anticipation that has been brewing for like ever now, I'm just ready to walk down that aisle into Mr. True's arms and start happily ever after...and also the honeymoon.

By the way the rest of Honeymoon is all booked and now I am yearning to go right now. I think I am frustrated right now because there is nothing to do this week or next week or probably the week after that. Everything left can be done in may during the last 3 weeks.

My programs are ordered, my place cards have been approved. And RSVPs have started to come in. What else is there to do? I guess there is a second wedding lull that is happening right now (I had one from November until February that was the first). I am thinking about getting my wedding license now that we're under 60 days away so we have something to do but I also want to wait until we're closer...

Am I alone in this feeling?

Honeymoon Fiasco ...nightmare

Ok so I wasn't planning on discussing my honeymoon plans because there isn't that much planning going into it. We started out discussing our honeymoon like 6 months ago and we pretty quickly decided on Bora Bora and Moorea. I have never seen any place that looks even close to as romantic.

What decided it for us was that when we were looking the St Regis in Bora Bora had a 50% off rate and there was a special on the flight there that was roughly half off. We booked our flight and that hotel and felt pretty set all we had to do was book our inter island flight and our Moorea hotel. We decided to fly to LA on Sunday after our wedding, spend a day there and then to Tahiti on Monday evening.

Then two months later we got an email our flight to Moorea had been cancelled...what?? The company said they were going to rebook us for a flight a day earlier. This worried us until we found out that the flight was late night (it hadn't been available when we first booked) so we had plenty of time to make it to LA first. This gave us an extra day in Paradise, bonus! We figured this was the only hiccup and everything was back on course.

That was until about a month ago when a cyclone hit our hotel and closed it until after our honeymoon. The St Regis initially kept telling us to change our trip dates but it's our honeymoon we were not going to change it. They offered to help relocate us to the Four Seasons for hopefully the same rate. We were really excited again. A week later we received an email saying that the Four Seasons had agreed to honor the rate we just needed to confirm. So we confirmed with the Four Seasons and we were elated. A few days later an email from the Four Seasons said they needed to confirm the rate with the St Regis. Every couple of days Mr. True emailed and they said the same thing that we were booked but the rate had to be confirmed. Then on Friday they emailed us that we were confirmed in their nicest over water bungalow without the rate mentioned.

We thought maybe we lucked out and now we are getting a great rate and amazing room. Mr. True emailed them back just to confirm we had our old rate. They then emailed back saying that since we contacted them directly we would have to pay their current rate. Their current rate was more than double our old rate. We did not contact them directly first, we were put in contact by the St Regis and the Four Seasons knew this. Mr True called them internationally immediately. When he reached them they informed him that they couldn't do much for us and we should call the St Regis. We called the St Regis who informed Mr. True that they had emailed the Four Seasons again last week to confirm and they never heard back. We felt like we were being taken for a ride. This honeymoon that we were so excited for was becoming hell. The cost was already higher than we thought was prudent but it was our honeymoon it is a time to splurge but we couldn't afford double. The person at the St Regis said she would do anything she could to help and would reach out the next day to see if she could fix this.

I spent yesterday feeling awful about all of this and feeling taken advantage of. This is not the way a top hotel should treat guests. I looked up all our hotel options in the area and all the rates were higher than the rates 3 weeks ago. So by the Four Seasons stalling for 3 weeks we were going to have to pay at least $200 more a night. It just all seemed so wrong. I wrote a two page letter to the Four Season management to express my sheer frustration but waited to send it because I still held out hope that the St Regis might be able to help.

Then at the end of the day yesterday Mr. True received a call from the Four Seasons, they were going to honor our rate. They haven't told us what room we're in but it doesn't matter the whole hotel is gorgeous and I'm hoping this will be our last road block.

I have to say Mr. True is my hero, he always stays calm with custormer service and his way of dealing things makes everything always work out right. I should have had more faith in him. But my role is to freak out and his is to stay calm cool and collected. He's so awesome!

Recommendations for the Newly Engaged

1) Register early--I know a lot of people put this off they don't want to think about this right away but that is not a good idea I'll tell you why. I didn't know this but the second you get engaged and your parents call everyone they know, you will start getting gifts. I think before you are engaged you don't know about engagement gifts and the proper procedure but trust me married people know especially older people and they will start sending gifts. Before you plan your engagement party a gift will come. Go register if you want gifts you like. Don't know what you want? Register at a store you like and know you will buy most things at and then you can always return and change your mind. Just get something on your registry so you don't end up with 10 cake plates you can't return.

2) Create your wedding list but don't send out the save the date until you have checked it over and over otherwise 3 months before your wedding you may realize you should have shortened your list and now it is too late. You do not need to send everyone you think you want to invite a save the date. Only send save the dates to the people you will not double think months from now. I know the distinction is sometime difficult hence the size of my wedding.

3) Include your FMIL, small gestures go a long way and this is a relationship that will last for a long time. There is no better time than when everyone is excited and happy to set the ground work for the rest of your lives. I brought my FMIL dress shopping and to most parts of the wedding planning and I know it has strengthened our relationship. I know sometimes FMIL are tough but if it is possible to get along with them involve them in some aspect.

4) Carry a note pad with you where ever you go. You never know when inspiration will strike. Sometimes I hear a song and think I need to incorporate that. Or just want to write a note to Mr. True. The note pad is great. I started with scraps of paper that have websites vendors ideas and now they are everywhere and I know I have lost half of them. I note pad is great way to keep it all in one place and it is a good memory later.

Picking the Rings

Mr. True and I had a very busy weekend first the Rabbis and then the Ring shopping. I have a gorgeous engagement ring that had belonged to Mr. True's Great Grandmother. It is way more of a ring than I could have ever imagined and I can't help stopping and staring at it a bit too frequently. The thanks for this ring really goes to FMIL who parted with this gorgeous ring for me. She is too generous and this ring is just part of it but on to the point. My engagement ring really stands by itself it does not need any other ring to go with it.

When thinking about a wedding band I have always thought about the most plain band possible no adornment because I plan to never take it off. My mom has only taken her band off once when she was stung on her finger by a bee and the doctor told her take the ring off or lose the finger. I have always wanted to do the same minus the bee sting thing. The day Mr. True puts the ring on my finger I plan to never take it off again. As a result I cannot have any stones on the ring because I won't be able to clean it. When I went looking for rings just for fun without Mr. True a month ago with my mom I couldn't stop looking at diamond sapphire bands and when I told Mr. True about this he said since my engagement ring didn't cost him anything, I could get two rings one plain platinum band and one with diamonds and sapphires. I am so excited about this now. I love sapphires and there's something about blue.

Mr True and I went this weekend to his friend's jewelry store and I kept shying away from too big of bands because they just felt too flashy to go with my band. Then I started looking at thin stacking bands and they were nice but I wasn't in love. Then I found the right band it has diamond baguettes that match my engagement ring and circular sapphires and I am in love. But now I am concerned that it is going to be too expensive. Plus it is a lot of bling with my already over the top ring. We're waiting to find out the cost and then go from there but am I being greedy wanting the over the top look? Or should I just let myself be in love and go with it? I feel that if the price is right I am going to go for the ring because I love it and will love the band forever.

Meeting with Rabbis

Yes, you read that right meeting with Rabbis as in more than one in one weekend.

Before Mr True and I got engaged I was sure I would have my childhood Rabbi, Rabbi T, marry us. I am not a religious person but growing up and going to Hebrew school I had a lot of questions about god and Rabbi T was always understanding and would sit with me and listen to me and validate my feelings. When I went to school abroad for a semester and experienced extreme antisemitism Rabbi T would write me long letters of support, I felt we had a real bond.

Then about 10 years ago Rabbi T retired and told my mom no matter what if your daughter wants me to officiate her wedding one day I will be there. So immediately when I got engaged my mom called Rabbi T and he said that he didn't think he would be in New York around the time I was getting married. This was a little heart breaking for me because I always imagined that he would officiate at my wedding but I couldn't do anything to affect this. Luckily the current Rabbi at my temple Rabbi S was all too excited to officiate and Mr True and I both really like him and are happy to have him involved. Rabbi S has been close to my family too and he is a really great guy, I just don't have the childhood bond to him.

Since Rabbi T did want to have some role in our wedding he asked if it would be ok for him to write a few words to be recited by Rabbi S at our wedding. I was thrilled and then it just came down to finding a time to meet. The meeting ended up happening this weekend and Rabbi T loved Mr True and it was great I am so excited to hear what he writes. Then today we met with Rabbi S to go over the ceremony and that was great too. I feel so lucky that two such great Rabbis would take time to meet with us and want to be a part of our big day.

I haven't mentioned this before but Mr. True and I have been meeting with Rabbi S every month for pre-marriage counseling. Rabbi S insists on this with all couples he marriages. I think that in our religion it is standard practice and I really enjoy it. I would definitely recommend it to any engaged couple. It lets you hear your partners ideas for your future and is just a good time to realize you are on the same path.

Has anyone else met multiple times with their officiant? Are you having a stranger perform your ceremony or is it someone you have known for a while?

Location, Location, Locations part 1

Now onto my search for a location.

Mr True and I decided immediately that we were going to get married in NYC, I am born and raised here and we live here so it seemed like a no brainer. Plus we had recently been to a few too many destination weddings and refused to make anyone else have to pay to come to our hotel. The City was the easy part. I have to say that the only part I have freaked out at during the planning process is choosing the location it was more stressful than I ever thought it would be. We (meaning me and sometimes Mr. True) started looking in May of last year with a year until our wedding. Note to brides unless your groom is dying to go, look at venues without him and only take him to your top choices. Most grooms find this process boring and why put them through it when you're having a good time.

I looked at like 30 places online but a lot were not big enough to fit my 200 guests or just didn't feel like me. There were a bunch of places that I thought might be me online but then they just weren't right. The problem was I wasn't completely sure what me was, as far as location goes, and Mr. True just wanted me to be happy which actually made me more stressed than made it better. I knew I didn't want a hotel ballroom where you could be anywhere in the world. What's the point of getting married in the Big Apple if you can't tell you're there? I also didn't want a big ballroom like Capitale where the room swallow your event. I immediately decided I wanted either outside space or big windows or both that screamed "we're in the center of NYC!!". I put lofts on my list because what feels more like NY than a loft and some hotels and one or two restaurants.

The first official place I visited was Tribeca Rooftop which I loved It had a rooftop (check) and big windows (check) and is basically a loft totally New York. But really I couldn't choose the first place I looked at, I needed to see more plus there was a bit of this cost thing what?? My mom was a little sticker shocked. At this point I still wasn't fully aware of wedding costs and my mom and dad refused to tell me a budget though supposedly they have one...by the way it is really hard to make a decision when you don't know how much you can spend.

I then went to Chelsea Piers Light House which is really nice but Mr True didn't like that you had to enter through a covered garage or that it was a part of Chelsea Piers...I kind of agree with him but it was on the water and it did have large windows that you knew you were in NYC (check and check). The price was the same as Tribeca Rooftop so it was still in the running. The W hotel was our next stop but that was too hotelly and not enough windows and no outdoor cross it off the list.

I next felt like I needed to find more reasonable options. First stop on more economical list the Parker Meridian (I mean still not economical but less expensive). But what a let down don't even get me started, how can this hotel not update their space or at least the chairs it's the Parker Meridian. They have a terrace that looks a bit dangerous and was covered in cigarette butts. My mom kept making faces like get me out of here. Needless to say this hotel was quickly removed. The Manhattan Penthouse was next, I immediately wanted to turn around when I saw the elevator and building but I refuse to be rude that didn't stop us from making this a very quick stop and finding any excuse possible to leave. though they have really big windows nothing in between was quite right. Then I made an appointment to see Bryant Park Restaurant. When I told my dad he nixed it before we went...not up to his standard. Studio 450 though lovely inside, I was afraid the elevator might break down before we got upstairs and the rooftop was too dangerous for the older people coming, plus you only rent the space and have to take care of everything else, I just wasn't up to that and my mom didn't want a planner.

After the economical attempt my mom called me to say that my dad wants me to have the greatest wedding possible and I should look at all options. This put some hotels on the list that I initially refused to consider and one or two museums...

stay tuned for what happened and the freak out...

The First Post

Well I am now officially 11 weeks from my wedding and figured it was about time to document some of the experience of planning a wedding and having a wedding. So where to start...I am one of those girls who never thought about their wedding growing up. I just never thought I would get married and wanted to be self sufficient. I found that I got bored by every guy I met and figured that I could not be with one guy for the rest of my life. Then I met him, Mr True. Once we were together for a little while everything started clicking, it just all made sense I got it. I met the most wonderful person and I want to spend every second with him. He's the first person I want to see when I wake up and the last person I want to see when I go to bed. Then I suddenly had the epiphany I want to get married to him. Then we got engaged and I went head long into the planning process. We have been engaged since last April (engagement story will be told eventually) and there has been a lot of planning since. Looking forward to putting it all in here.